Building a Personal Brand: The Gracious Girl Worksheet

By Mindy Lockard

Etiquette Consultant

Mannerofthemonth.com

We are honored to have you here on the Crane Insider for day two of our personal branding series.  Let’s get down to business! Today we are taking you to the University of Oregon where I worked with 80 women from the Tri Delta Sorority. Armed with my hot little gracious living branding iron—okay, more of a worksheet—I helped them understand the power of a personal brand and how to create one for their individual lives.

Starting with our Gracious Girl Personal Brand worksheet, each member creates her own Gracious Girl; a Gracious Girl that represents the brand they want to communicate…

Incorporating internal characteristics by drawing it on her exterior self. Well not really drawing on herself… here, I’ll show you mine. I’ve been told she looks like a grandma…

I’m totally confident in the fact that I’m a seasoned lady at heart!

What was so fun about this process is that the women were able to connect not only with the Gracious Girl on their inside, but how they want to show her on the outside. Just as we can see the Nike Swoosh and know it represents physical activity and fitness, our own brand communicates what we're all about to those we encounter in our lives. This exercise helped the women think through what they want their personal brand to be. To get them started, I had them write down five things that they want to be known for…

just to name a few…

Girlfriend, not a one night stand

Kind

Caring

Considerate

Engaged

Socially Responsible

Smart

Staying true to our personal brand can be uncomfortable, even hard at times—just ask the cows from yesterday—but it keeps us from wandering away or even getting lost in the social shuffle. With so many social functions and professional opportunities, college life is the perfect time for these women to practice living their brand. With a little self control (this is where it can feel uncomfortable at times) and etiquette, these women will live out a true and powerful personal brand that will help them reach their dreams.

Just because you may be out of college and not a 20-something, doesn’t mean you’re off the hook This little exercise is great for people of all ages. So if asked, “what is your personal brand?”  What qualities do you want to be known for?  Please, do tell…

The Personal Brand: Conform or Stand Out?

By Mindy Lockard

Etiquette Consultant
Mannerofthemonth.com

Sometimes, manners get us so hung up on “the fork” that we lose sight of the big picture. A picture of our total personal brand.  A picture that I have been working very hard to make clear to my 20-somethings clients.

What’s a personal brand? A personal brand is what we are known for, the way others see us. Very similar to the brands big companies are known for such as this…

or this…

or even this…

A personal brand is what we are all about.  Just as when we see the Nike Swoosh we can count on it to be related to fitness or athletics, the brand we build is directly related to the behavior others come to know and count on from us. Are we organized, are we frazzled, are we mindful with our communication, or are we the girl who passes out in the corner at every party? 

Before we tackle how to create a personal brand, let’s get down and dirty - something I only do when invited to a cattle ranch owned by our closest friends. So, saddle-up partner we’re going for a ride…

way…

way…

way out west, for a little lesson from those who live and breathe branding.

Branding is a traditional means of keeping track of cattle on and off the ranch. It helps ranchers identify their cattle among the herds when they are foraging on communal property or…

to know which neighbor to call - sometimes many miles away - when a few ladies show up unannounced.

Quite simply, the branding process is a physical identification that keeps the cattle organized, thus allowing the ranch manager to do his or her job well.

Branding is also the oldest method of cattle identification. A method of taking a hot iron and creating a mark on each cow’s behind. Does it hurt? Just a pinch a ranch manager will tell you. After calves are branded they return to their mother with little to no sign of pain.

The brand on cattle helps them conform to the herd. But our personal brand helps us get to where we want to be in life - to be remembered, to be respected, to stand out from the herd. The way we dress, the way we communicate, the words we speak, and the thank-you notes we write all communicate our personal brand. Sometimes we feel the pinch of the personal brand…especially when situations arise that don’t best suit us and require a little (or a lot) of self-control. Does the pinch hurt? A little, but it is well worth it. After all, it takes hard work and sometimes some hard lessons to create the person you want to be.

Can I get an Amen?

Which leads me to ask… Do you have a personal brand?  Join me tomorrow as I take my gracious living branding iron on the road and help 80 women from the Tri Delta Sorority to help them develop their own personal brand. I promise it won't hurt a bit.

Trick or Treat Etiquette with Elle and Maggie

With Halloween just around the bend, it's time to revisit some of the essential rules of etiquette for Trick or Treating. To assist us in this lesson, I have enlisted the services of two veterans of the Trick or Treat circuit in Portland, Oregon, to show you how to score big candies and big points in your neighborhood. So, without further adieu, here are Elle and Maggie with Dos and Taboos:




For those who don't know Elle and Maggie, they are the two delightful daughters of my blogging colleague Mindy Lockard. You can follow their adventures in pursuit of gracious living here.

Bringing Correspondence Back with Elle and Maggie

By Guest Blogger
Mindy Lockard
Manner of the Month

Ty’s parents are gone for the month. We miss them because they are wonderful people and because they are hands-down our best babysitters! Today two letters arrived in the mail, one for each girl. The short letters shared tales of their adventures and sweet sentiments of missing us.

The girls without a poke, prod, or firm suggestion got out their personal stationery and with their very best simple sentence structure, limited vocabulary, and pictures were responding to the letter the best way they knew how. They didn’t worry about the notes being perfect, they simply wanted to respond.



Yes, we could have saved time and money by sending over an e-mail, picking up our cell phones or skyping. All of which we can do. But instead we shared a longstanding tradition: pen to paper and heart to heart!



Some say handwritten correspondence is a dying art. To save this beautiful gesture, I ask you to join me. Here’s how. The next time you have the urge to send an e-mail telling someone how much they mean to you or just to say “hi”, get out your stationery instead. Trust me, not only will you pleasantly surprise the recipient, you may even surprise yourself with how beautiful it feels to extend such a gracious act. Truly. If you should need help, I’m on my way armed with a gracious living defibrillator and a few Justin Timberlake moves ready to bring correspondence back!!

Tea and Toast and Thank-You Notes

By Mindy Lockard
Etiquette Consultant
Mannerofthemonth.com

The child’s birthday candles have been blown out, the balloons deflated, and the sugar-wired children sent home with their parents. Now with three-quarters of the cake still looming on the counter, it’s easy to want to kick up your feet, pour a glass of wine, and relax. But wait, there’s one more step, perhaps the most important of them all—thank-you notes!

If you love the thank-you process, I applaud you. If you see it as a bit daunting, you are not alone. I admit, after large events the guilt and dread of the impending thank-you process (always the process, never the idea) follow me like Pig Pen’s dust cloud. Don’t get me wrong: I wholeheartedly value writing notes, not just because I teach etiquette but because I truly believe in them. However, when I am not prepared for the process, I don’t necessarily approach it with a joyful spirit. Knowing this about myself, I’ve worked long and hard to establish good thank-you habits for me and my children. I’m happy to report that my children actually like the process and are known to say, “Oh, Mommy, we should write so-and-so a thank-you.” Of course, a little motivation helps: our family policy is that toys and activities can’t come out of their packaging until the thank-you notes have been signed, sealed, and delivered to the mail carrier.

We celebrated Elle’s sixth birthday last week. (I can’t believe she’s six!) Rather than feeling intimidated by the stack of thank-yous we had to write, we made it special with our “tea and toast” tradition. After bathtime and with PJs on we got out the “royalty dishes” (as Elle calls them), popped some bread into the toaster, steeped our favorite tea, and sat down with our social stationery arsenal and a whole lot of patience. (A few thank-yous always fall victim to sticky fingers and dribbled tea, so we plan to have a few extra notes and cloth napkins on hand.)

1. Personalized stationery
2. ManneroftheMonth.com thank-you tracking sheet. We love this sheet because it helps us stay organized and on track throughout the process.
3. Well-organized list of names and addresses
4. Address embosser
5. Stamps


Using our ManneroftheMonth.com tracking system, we discussed every gift over tea and toast:

Who is the gift from?
What gift did they give?
Why are we thankful for it?
How will it be used?

When Elle was younger, I asked the questions and wrote down her response. Now that she writes each note on her own; the responses are a bit shorter since she’s just new to writing. Many times I need to spell out each word: this is where patience comes in.

After each note is finished, we celebrate by checking it off on our tracking sheet. Elle gets such a sense of satisfaction as she checks off each name: who doesn’t love checking items off a list? I certainly do.

Teaching the importance of writing notes takes time and energy. I’ll admit that after entertaining 34 children for a couple of hours, putting the effort into writing notes is not something I desire to do. However, Ty and I believe that the habit of writing thank-you notes and, more importantly, the confidence they instill is one of the best gifts we can give our children.

I’m sure the thank-you for that gift will follow in the years to come!

The Junior League: Manners to Achieve a Mission

By Guest Blogger Mindy Lockard

As an etiquette consultant, I have the privilege of working with a wide range of people from the fifth-grade boy who doesn’t know how to use his fork to professionals wanting to give back to their community! Recently, I had the honor of speaking to the members of the Junior League of Portland, Oregon, to help them kick off a new year by focusing on applying manners to their mission.

The Junior League is more than ladies of leisure sipping tea in white gloves and pearls. It is an organization of women who have been actively working in the trenches of their communities, providing relief and education on behalf of the underserved for 107 years. The mission of the Junior League provides a fantastic glimpse—for everyone, not just women—of what it means to volunteer and the impact that every man, woman, or child can make on his or her community.

“The Association of Junior Leagues International Inc. (AJLI) is an organization of women committed to promoting voluntarism, developing the potential of women and improving communities through the effective action and leadership of trained volunteers.”

As an etiquette consultant, I have witnessed firsthand the benefits of using manners to achieve a mission. Here are a few manners to think about as you serve or if you are thinking about getting involved:

Brag a Little! Yes, this is an etiquette consultant telling you to “flaunt your philanthropy!” Since so much of our volunteer service goes on behind the scenes, you have my permission to inform everyone what you’re up to and how much fun you’re having as a volunteer. Humbly and with good manners, tell your neighbors, friends, cousins, and the barista at Starbucks—anyone who will listen. After all, your enthusiasm is contagious, and we all need to catch a little of the giving-back bug!

Keep It Up! Let’s face it, we’ve all had days when we wake up late only to fall behind schedule or spill coffee on our best white button-down and the last thing we want to do is encourage someone else, but do your best to stay upbeat and uplift your fellow volunteers. You’ll add cheer to their day—and yours! Lend a helping hand if a fellow volunteer seems to be overloaded. Take the time to share gratitude verbally at a meeting or over the phone, and never underestimate the value of a handwritten note of thanks or acknowledgment.

Give Your All! Before you take on a volunteer position, investigate whether or not it is a good fit for you. Once you have committed, you must follow through. Don’t discount the importance of your work because a paycheck isn’t attached; the organization that you have committed to depends on your service. Show them respect by arriving on time and returning telephone calls and e-mails in a timely fashion. Speak up when you have taken on too much, and ask for help if you don’t understand.

Aside from the fact that giving back is good manners, the futures of our communities depend on us doing so! When we use our manners and abilities to improve our communities, our giving back makes a difference—and we receive far more than we give!

From Peter: Many thanks to Mindy for stepping in while I try to get rid of something that closely resembles the flu.

Social Freedom Through Etiquette

Insider’s Note:

I had the pleasure of meeting Mindy Lockard, an etiquette consultant from Eugene, Oregon, at the National Stationery Show. Earlier this week Mindy presented a class on etiquette to a group of fifth-graders out her way, and I asked her to share her experience, along with some thoughts on the role of etiquette in the 21st century.

First, a few questions and observations from the fifth-graders:

I will use this when I have a job.
I didn’t know that silverware gives messages.
I thought this was a cooking class.
Will we learn how to do a dance?
Am I going to have to kiss a girl’s hand?

As a parent, I know that when I apply the rules of etiquette and the mind-set of good manners I see a change in my children’s behavior. It is through manners that our children are able to identify what is expected of them and feel confident in their own skin. As parents of well-behaved children, we can take them out of the house without fearing social repercussions or spending half of our dinner trying to keep them out from under the table—to a mother or fellow diner, that is freedom!

In addition to believing in the power of etiquette and using the rules as a mother, I have the honor of working with children, families, and professionals and witnessing firsthand how life-changing manners can be. My students begin to sit taller, engage in the interests of others, say please and thank you, and make eye contact. With the use of these social skills, lives change and personal dreams begin to unfold!

Recently, I had the privilege of working with 34 fifth graders at Meadowlark Elementary School. At first the children seemed a bit hesitant, concerned that they were being subjected to 80 minutes of manners boot camp with Sergeant Lockard who would snap their wrists with a ruler when they made a mistake. To break the ice and misperception, I started the program by having them share qualities of a friend that make them happy and sad. Here are some of the qualities they listed:

Happy: caring, helpful, smiles at you, polite, shares with you, encourages you, truthful, trustworthy, responsible, reliable, nice, exciting, approachable, helpful, respectful, positive, funny, outgoing, good listener.

Sad: teasing, bragging, aggressive, steals, disrespectful, not responsible, mean, rude, negative, sad, mad, bossy, lazy, boring, thinks they are better than you, lies, impatient, has bad manners, talks behind your back, hurts you on purpose.

As the fifth graders made the connection between good friends and good manners, guards came down, and minds began to open!

Next we worked on eye contact and handshaking. Eye contact is one of the most important tools to have in our social arsenal. When we use this very important skill, we communicate value to those around us.

Then I shared tips for saying their name and responding to an introduction. Self introductions are very difficult for many young children and even young adults. This is the social skill that causes the majority of my students the most discomfort. We begin by slowly saying our names. If we rush through the introduction process because we are uncomfortable, the entire reason for the introduction can be lost.

When someone introduces themselves to us, we have to remember to listen to their name and repeat it. Repeating their name will ensure we have heard it correctly and help us remember it for the future.

Finally, I discussed place settings and the correct way to hold utensils. The key to good table manners is to draw the least amount of attention to our dining skills. When we hold our flatware incorrectly, we engage our entire upper body and run the risk of elbowing our neighbor, knocking an item off the table, or just looking like a bird ready for flight. By holding our utensils correctly, we limit the amount of movement, therefore saving ourselves and those around us from an unpleasant disaster, not to mention helping us look better.

Aside from which fork to use, when to send a thank-you, and which name comes first in an introduction, the number-one question asked of me as an etiquette consultant is “Why . . . ?” “Why do you teach etiquette?” The answer is rather simple: I teach etiquette because I believe the lessons are powerful and offer us social freedom when they are used. “Isn’t that an oxymoron?” you may ask. “Don’t the rules of etiquette keep us from experiencing personal freedom?”

Actually, it is not the rules that limit us but our perception of them. When we get over the rebellious desire to break or disregard the rules of etiquette and consider the reason why we use manners, we find social freedom: freedom from insecurity, freedom from social ignorance, and freedom to see beyond ourselves and invest in the life of another human being.